LEJOG Day 4

Not sure where to start today.

The lowest of all the days so far. Before 7.30am I received two texts telling about how terrible the weather would be today. I love the messages of support but they did what I have been fearing - I've used every trick in my mental vocabulary so far to overcome the inner voice which says 'You must be joking' and would happily beat my Head - and thought, well, might as well stay in bed then.

Of course, I wasn't asleep. But when you've been distracting the Head from the inner voice with promises of reward vouchers, it takes a reward voucher to secure further Head loyalty. The truth is, I know the weather is against me. It has been from mile 1. Today it didn't get light. It was pouring down from before dark and still is. Meanwhile I had 65 miles to do and it wasn't going to be in anyway pretty.

Clearly, I could now bang on about 65 miles of misery but at a certain point today I wondered whether people will start to think I'm Big Miss Moaning. To end further discussion about the weather shall I just say this - my misery knew no bounds today. Perhaps of more interest is how I dealt with it?

The people that have complained (nicely) that there haven't been enough pictures. FGS. How many pictures of me looking like something the cat wouldn't have bothered to drag in, google me and see all the previous monumentally awful pictures you can find. For a Girl whose comfort blanket is high heels, makeup, nail varnish and a Margaret Thatcher 'Try me' Handbag, I'm really, really fed up of never having a single glamorous picture of me. It's all very well being on page 3 of the YEP but at the end of the day, looking like s*** isn't your finest hour.

In fact, today I've been quietly thinking of all the inspirational people that I've been so lucky to have in my life and have met in my life. When there's no natural light to see by, it helps to focus on something other than the weather, the traffic and your own misery. And definitely the road.

For starters, I'm a product of a fantastic state education. I went to Woodlesford Primary School and Mr Dennison was the Headteacher. Mrs Bradley, Mrs Cluderay, Mrs Browning, Mrs Naylor.. they were amazing people. I remember them all.

When I went up to Royds secondary school, I don't know where to start. A lot of amazing people really, really helped me a lot. I don't exactly know where to start so I will mention the people who most made me who I am - in no particular order - Richard Finney (RIP), Alex Hume, Mr Turton, Dave Sowden, Mr Roberts and Mrs Boulton. My friends, generally, were boys. Richard Ball, Jason Baddeley, the Ford boys, Tim Kilburn (RIP), Gavin Smith and a whole load more. My Girlfriends in chief are still my all time friends. Julie Simcox, Rachel Knubley & Sandra Millar. Our paths may all have wandered but our underlying friendships remain. Even though these friendships need energy every now and again, they will always be just about picking up on time and never about if.

You can distract yourself a lot, you see. Your head is really suggestible. Tell it what to think about and it will. Allow it to hear other impulses and it will. In spades.

Most of my tricks, I found through my first marathon - in Shanghai. Typically, when I don't know how to do something, I get a book. In that case 'The non-runners guide to the marathon' just like my Dad always did and just like my Granddads would have done. Granddad Hargest died on my first day at University, in a hospice with my Dad there. I wanted to be there but I guess you can't be everywhere on your first day at University, when you're the first in the family.

My Granddad Frankland, I knew more. He passed away nearly a year ago and I think about him every single day. It was only when my Son Tom went on an exchange trip to France a couple of years ago and mentioned one of the D-Day beaches that he'd been on that my Granddad mentioned that he'd landed there and how scared he was. They dug themselves in to the beach and hoped they wouldn't die. That was the sort of Man he was. Understated. Last year, when I looked for something to read at his funeral with my children, we had to find a few things - and read them all. In the end, all I can say is I read 'Desiderata' and there you will find him. He would never tell you what to do. He would say, 'find your own way'. A hard act to follow.

Meanwhile the shockingly awful weather. OK, well, this is where I got to. At about mile 35, I got totally, monumentally and desperately lost in Bristol. I know that Leeds has an unforgiving one way system but whoever sorts out signposting in Bristol should look at it from an Outsider's point of view. In Leeds we used to be so ashamed of the city centre that we sent everybody outside. Perhaps Bristol should consider that the best thing to do is keep everyone in the centre? The environs are terribly undesirable, confusing and incoherent.

At around this time, totally at the end of my teather and displaying the unlikely characteristic of being about to lose it (only three times in the past 40yrs), I had a complete sense of humour failure. As in, totally, no question - want to die - cannot be worse and don't even try to console me, sense of humour failure.

So some Random Bloke met me as Princess of the Pavement, lost and frightened in central Bristol. He had no idea how close he came to getting a total volley. My training has taught me that less is more. Think before you open your Gob. If you do open Yorkshire Gob, make sure its appropriate. I will never see him again but when he said 'This isn't a road, you know, it's a pavement' well, truthfully, he nearly got Wrath of Yorkshire.

Instead, I just smiled at him. In that deep grimace sort of a way that make people who have no idea how you could return with venomess interest, absolutely totally mad. On the other hand, the trick with me is never to cross me. Believe me, if he'd had to cop for 200 miles of unrelenting rain - Leeds to London - he would have done. My misery knew no bounds, remember?

I'd like to say it was a piece of cake thereafter but I'd be lying. I had to do an extra 10 miles to reverse and then get back on the right road. I got the serious shakes and had to stop when I found somewhere that I felt safe - 'The Wellington - and downed a pint of Sagres, a full rota of all known tablets and a packet of crisps. All at 3.30pm. With 35 miles left to go.

After that, it got truly scary. The Airbus and Rolls Royce Factory adds it own steam to the A38. Described in my book as 'fast and furious', I will always be grateful to a doctor that gave me 'Permission to cry' five months ago. Today, I did my body weight in Crying. Gigantic, heavyweight, from my soul tears, like nothing I've ever known. I'd like to say it was pretty but looking at me later in the day, I can see it wasn't.

Instead, I would like to say the following and close until tomorrow:-

(1) Thank you to the world's Best GP, Dr Carole Gregory (of Burton Croft Surgery in Headingley) that has looked after me for the past five months in a way that goes beyond the call of duty and in my opinion constitutes true Friendship;

(2) Thank you to my Best Friends (they know who they are) and formed a committee to make sure I'm still here. They knew how ill I was and without them, I know I wouldn't be here. In May this year, I said I wasn't bothered if I wasn't here anymore - it took a lot to get me back. Thank you;

(3) Life is an obstacle strewn journey and sometimes going back is the way to go forwards. The Haven has given me an amazing centre of Friendship. The people that are there - Debbie Horsman and her team of Therapists and Team Haven (Office & Fundraising) are amazing, exceptional people that Visitors need. And so have I.

(4) When we are stripped back by the forces of nature, we encounter ourselves in a way that may embarrass or engage others. I'm not afraid to say that I was very unwell and that Dr Gregory turned me in to Sleeping Beauty that could get well again. She said, 'You know, normally I say to people that are unwell, exercise but in your case, had you not been so fit, I'm not sure you would have survived'. The Haven's lead is Dr Caroline Hoffman and a few weeks ago, we were discussing my past five months and she said, 'Well, Sarah, given the past 20yrs, it's not surprising your body decided to rest for a while';

(5) Morrisons has been all over the past four days. Everywhere I went, everywhere I rode, everywhere I looked, there has been Morrisons. Yorkshire is a cool place to evolve from.

The point of all this, is this. Hard times come and hard times go. The best we can do is be a bit gentle with ourselves.

My brakes failed in the dark mist on the way in to Dursley at 6.30pm tonight. I'm glad. I'm in 'The Close' in Tetbury at £85 B&B and happy tonight although I would really like the following (in no particular order):-

(1) A bath;

(2) I never wrote to Jim-L-Fixit as a kid and I know Sir Jimmy is unwell but if he can arrange for me to have a photo shoot with Mario Testino to show I scrub up OK for a South Leeds Girl or Council House Hull Girl (as anyone wishes) - I'll wear his gold badge with pride;

(3) A worldwide 'Thank you' from Sally Traffic to all users of the A38 who have encountered me the past two days from Taunton to Stroud and not immediately begun road rage - a huge 'love you'. There is a lot more of me where that came from;

(4) A better weather day - but that's beyond my ask and tbh, what's the point in asking?

Thank you again for your messages of support. They mean a lot, lots more than you will ever know. Particularly when you have Rain Burn!

XX